Ms. CoCoVanDerChic

Self care is a term that concisely captures a wide array of healthy practices that cultivate a more effective self. Such practices go beyond a regimen of healthy hygiene and diet.  Practicing self-care means learning to cope with dis-ease without reaching for a BAND-aid …  Behaviors, Alcohol, Narcotics and Disconnecting. 

Self-care sounds like a basic concept, but for those of us who have been BAND-aid users, we know self-care can at times be a full time job and quite frightening at that. No one wants to take off a BAND-aid to discover a wound that is still bleeding. But if you do not take the time to look, that wound will continue to bleed.

The first step … identify why you need the BAND-aid.  Next, what is the BAND-aid doing for you?

I will use myself as a case study.  At times, my mind can feel like a scary place. Thoughts and ideas pop into my head at lightening speed.  My fear of forgetting an idea, a thought or to do something important keeps me in a heightened state of anxiety. My engines are always running. Not a fun feeling. Solution … a BEHAVIOR that slows down the rate of internal information flow… pretty cool… no anxiety … hey this is awesome. Feels like self-care. WRONG.

I was using a BAND-aid. So what does self-care look like? For me … recognizing the behavior, accepting my busy mind and working on ways to stop the behavior before it stopped me.  Oh no, a lifestyle change…

The thought alone induced an immediate anxiety attack and the process of removing the BAND-aid, change, had not even begun. Panic… too hard … too scary… The BAND-aid is working for me I am not that sick. DENIAL… Look, open your eyes and become aware… you will see the wound but the pain of removing the BAND-aid and staring the wound in the face is scary.

Acceptance is the hardest part. No one wants to accept that their life is a mess, that they have to leave a job that brings in six figures a year, can no longer drive a BMW and cannot have a closet full of Prada shoes, designer clothes and LouisVuitton bags.  REALITY … Life is not about labels, it is about living. To live one has to truly experience life; not cover it up with a BAND-aid.

To be your true self, you must take off the BAND-aid and take a look at yourself as you are in that moment. Ask, “what is the most loving thing I can do in this moment? Self-care does not mean following the latest Cosmo tips on beauty, the latest fad diet, getting the status job or it may. Self care means truly listening to your body’s internal signals and honestly answering each one with a healing intention.

PAUSE the most loving thing you can do for yourself in this moment does not necessarily feel good. Sure it might feel great to smoke another cigarette, pop another pill, take a drink, eat chocolate cake or not eat at all. This is not self-care it is self-destruction.

Self-care is really a self-love movement. It means taking more time to do things the right way for me, not for everyone else in the world … for me. Not worrying what others may think of my positive behavioral changes, my decision to take some time off from work and fix me.  NOT EASY

Acceptance is hard but it is the only way to be truly free and not a prisoner to dis-ease. The expression ‘take time to smell the roses’ may sound corny but it is too often overlooked. One of the best ways to take off the BAND-aid is to notice your surroundings. Nature is beautiful and life is lovely when you are in the moment.

For example, a few days ago, it was hot and humid. I really noticed how tired, bloated and quite frankly fat I felt from the heat. The air was thick and heavy. As painful as it was, I engaged in acts of self-care  … drank more water, ate succulent fruits, vegetables and protein. It did not feel good, it felt awful. I could have hid inside knowing my anxiety would soar and I would search for a BAND-aid.  So I had a talk with myself. This discomfort did not mean I was fat.  Water and food did not cause my discomfort. Factors beyond my control extreme heat and humidity, were the cause.  I could not control the weather but I could let it control me. I took the plunge put on a bikini, grabbed a book and headed for the pool. The minute I got in the pool. Ahhh release. I noticed the way the water felt against my skin, listened to the sound of children jumping in the pool, noticed the color of the sky, listened to other people and actively engaged in conversation. I was no longer trapped in my own negative self image.  I was experiencing life in that moment.

BAND-aids are like blindfolds that rob you of all of life’s joys. Life is not always joyful, but I would rather taste its bitter sweetness than feel just plain bitterness.